thank you for the space we shared

(<-- Us with our certificates and $1,000!!!)

I should have posted again before I finished Katimavik, but it was a pretty hectic emotional roller coaster for some of us, including me. I can safely say I've never had so much difficulty saying bye to a group of people. I wasn't sure how to express it, so this is what I came up with:

Just imagine the bonds created amongst your group. Imagine living with the same people for 9 months, and experiencing absolutely everything together. Then imagine arriving at the airport, rushing through security, and waiting anxiously as your group reconvenes. Hear the boarding calls, feel the nervousness of seeing your parents and friends back home, but become distracted by the sadness you feel knowing you have to part with your new family. The tears stream down your cheeks and confusion sets in - you hug each individual, embrace them a minute longer than usual because you know it could be the last physical contact you share for a long time, or for ever. The emptiness inside your chest deepens as you watch your best friends backs leaving towards their gate and disappearing through the doors. You don't remember the bus ride to the airport, or handing over a credit card when you've been told your bag is much too heavy. You can't put a finger on the last thing your project leader said to you, or what it felt like the first time you walked into your last house. You probably couldn't even tell someone what it felt like the first day of Katimavik, the first time you met your group. All you know is your group is gone, you're sitting in front of a Tim Horton's and wondering how the hell you got here. You face is a mess of salty dampness, the weight of your backpack on your shoulders doesn't exist because all you feel is the ache in your heart. You finally get the strength to stand, and a snap back to reality tells you people are staring. You walk towards your gate when boarding is called and absently hand the flight attendant your boarding pass. Five minutes later and you're in the plane, seated by the window, head leaned against the cold plastic siding. This is it: the day that you talked about since September 23, the day you said you'd never know what to expect until it happened. Truth is... you still don't know what you're feeling. And even as the plane roars to life and takes off, you don't have a chance to feel nervous because your mind is filled with memories of the past 9 months. The only thing keeping you strong is a fellow Katimavik-er sitting behind you. You don't talk, but just the presence is enough because there is at least one person on this plane who understands how you feel, even though he wasn't in your group. The seatbelt sign turns off, and you drown out the engine with your music. Relief eases the tension in your jaw and a sense of calm rushes through you."Wagon Wheel" comes on and a smile parts your lips because it reminds you of home... not a physical home, but a home that forms when a group of ten people come together.

25 days to go... but who's counting?

I haven't posted in a long time, and I'm not going to give some excuse like I've been busy or something. Yes, Katima-life is a busy life, but at the very end, it has also proven to provide me with little or no blogging inspiration or motivation.

My job at Manoir Saint-Joachim has been a good experience for me. I do a lot of physical labour, like cleaning, moving furniture, and painting, as well as serving lunch every day to seniors. Although it can be tedious, it is rewarding to see the effects that my helping out offers these people, who have little mobility and often no family to come help them out. Most are appreciative, some are nasty old folks, but I deal with it. I often stay late but, again, I deal with it. It's certainly not my favourite job... in fact, it's been my least favourite... but I can't complain. I've had INCREDIBLE job experiences.

The tension in our house is enormous and incredibly obvious. On the outside, we seem like a happy group that loves each other, but what goes on within these walls is completely different. We fight, we bicker, we argue about using margarine or butter, and who left the bathroom light on. I get along with the good majority of the group, but the other people I could most certainly do without. To be honest, it's quite disappointing. You'd think after 8 months of living and spending every waking moment together would result in stronger bonds and relationships. But no, not quite, unless we just aren't good at showing it. Perhaps this is a coping mechanism for some, that's what I'd like to think anyway.

Despite the bad times, they are what help us learn. For me, they have helped me see the true colours of the people I thought I trusted, and have helped me appreciate the people I didn't truly appreciate before. Our group has had many good times, and those are what make being here worth it.

No matter who I keep in touch with, no matter who I lose touch with, people are meant to come in and out of my life. Katimavik has taught me that.

Did I mention 25 more days?!

Goodbye B'wat, HELLO Eddy!

Sorry about the lack of updates in such a long period of time. I guess I've just been really busy with the hectic Katima-life, that I haven't had a chance. It's hard to get any free time, especially in Edmonton when we're always able to do something fun.

Our goodbye party last rotation was the best one we've had. Granted we'd only had two by that point, but considering how big of a flop our first one was, this one was EPIC! We had it at John's workplacement - Hillside Pines Senior Centre - and everybody came. All of the billet families (mostly), all of the work partners, and a lot of the friends we made in Bridgewater. It was a huge success. There was good food, we did it potluck style, music, a slideshow, a little presentation, and socializing. Rachelle, Phil, and I went outside after with our work partners to say bye... can you say, tears? Despite how sad it was, we definitely got in some good laughs. COUGAR CAT! If you were there, you'll understand that comment.

The end of Bridgewater was a sad one. It started off with my job, saying goodbye to the kids was harder than I ever could have imagined. It's so sad seeing them leave with their parents, knowing I may never see them again. And ontop of that, saying bye to some of the most amazing women I've ever met (other than my mom) was incredibly difficult, too. My work partners gave me the lovliest card ever, and bought a cake and had a little going away party for Rachelle and I. My boss gave me a Bridgewater hat and t-shirt... I can't say I still have the hat, but I do have the t-shirt!

My boss gave Rachelle and I such a great speech as we were leaving... it lasted about 10 minutes, so I can't say I remember it all, but it followed the idea of following our dreams and making the best of our lives. She said we both have great potential and she hopes we continue working with people, because that's where we should be. I can't say I've ever seen someone so sad to say goodbye to me. She is one of the best people I've ever met, and I hope to go back to Bridgewater again to see everyone.

Our group left Bridgewater for Windsor, Nova Scotia for our final rotation camp with the Wolfville, Halifax, and Spryfield groups. It was so nice to see the familiar faces! Our first night we did our rotation presentations, and surprised Matt with a song to the tune of Wagon Wheel. We got him to come up and play guitar for us, and he got all teary eyed! One of the saddest moments of that rotation was saying bye to Matt. It's crazy how I didn't like him at the beginning, and he ended up being my favourite PL out of the two we had. He helped me so much, with my confidence and with my guitar playing. He always took time to help and talk to me when I needed it. As he left in the van, a couple of us ran outside to wave. He stopped the car, and jumped out and ran over for one last hug, then went back to Bridgewater.

Afterwards, Val and I sobbed outside.

But camp WAS really fun. We had a ton of free time to hang out with the other groups and catch up and just relax. Windsor is a really beautiful place. It was interesting to see how independant everyone has become. In our orientation and first rotation camps, everyone kept together. But in this rotation camp, people still hung out together but I also saw a lot of people taking time to theirselves. I think that's one of the great things about Katimavik... it makes you confident in who you are, and gives you the ability to find happiness in being alone. I was alone a lot of one day. I sat by the water, went on a walk through the forest, and walked up to the top of a hill to look down on the view of beautiful Nova Scotia. During that moment on the hill, I really appreciated where I was from and the person I've become. I'm glad I didn't have a camera to snap a photo... I like keeping this memory in my mind.

In a frenzy the morning we left, because the bus arrived an hour early at 2am (at which time most people were not awake), all four groups packed the bus to go to the airport. We arrived there and made it through security with enough time to get some breakfast. Our flights were alright, apart from some crazy turbulence, so bad at one point that they made an announcement to not panic! I find I'm getting way more used to flying though, and sitting beside a very calm woman helped as well. Her Vogue magazine was more interesting then that hunk of metal we were in that was bumping about in the middle of the sky.

So, we got to Edmonton, all in one piece. Set up our rooms in the basement. YAY TO AN ALL-GIRLS BATHROOM! I'm rooming with Robyn, Jillian and Val, which is really nice, although a little cramped. I room with 3 messy girls... and I'm the only clean one. Frustrating, but I can deal with it.

I work at a french senoir centre named Manoir St. Joachim. It's an alright job... not the best, but it passes the time and I get those little moments that make me happy to be there. It's A LOT of work, my lunch break is usually about 30 minutes, some days 5 minutes and standing. I mostly to maintenance and cleaning work, and I serve lunch at 11 to the residents. My bosses are both very nice people and I will have lots of opportunities to do things with the residents.

My group has gone out to a few of the bars and clubs on the weekends. Our first night in Edmonton, Val, Jillian, Robyn and I went to Devaney's Pub near our house. Weekends after we've all gone to The Walkabout, Hudson's, and The Iron Horse, and plan to go to other places later on.

Billeting starts next week, which is a little intimidating. I've never really liked billeting, even though my last billet was an amazing experience. It's always very nerve-wracking, but I'm just hoping I get a good family this time around.

Until next time!

Peggy's Cove and Blue Rocks

Today my Katimavik group went to Peggy's Cove, probably the most beautiful landscape of Nova Scotia that I've seen yet. Pictures cannot describe the wonder of this natural beauty. Rocks upon rocks, and when you walk closer to the water, the waves splash up and the mist hits your face like one of those fountains you find in the centre of malls. Except this mist is salty, and ten times better. We spent a while there, and then some of us had lunch at the Peggy's Cove seafood restaurant. I had a Haddock burger, which was fantastic. I've decided to be a pescotarian now, I think... a vegetarian that eats fish... but that's kind of besides the point. How could I go to Peggy's Cove and not eat fish?

Afterwards, we went to Blue Rocks, a genuine little fishing town with just as much beauty as Peggy's Cove. We saw many fishing boats out, and also a place where they go deep sea fishing and fish for sharks. We walked on the rocks towards the water there, as well.

Here are some pictures!

East Coast Music Awards!

My Katimavik group traveled 5 hours to Cape Breton to volunteer at the East Coast Music Awards. We stayed at an elementary school in town with the 4

other groups in our new rotation, and, to say the least, it was one of the best excursions ever! We had so much fun getting to know the other groups, and playing music together. We arrived at The Big Fiddle, which is a venue used for the ECMA's. Our volunteer job was to help take down all the tables. Little did we know, we'd be casually walking in on Joel Plaskett's sound check! Our project leader, Matt, knew about it but got all of the other project leaders to keep it a secret from us so it would be an awesome surprise. After sitting in on his sound check, we got to see a free show of Coco Love (a new Canadian artist from the Maritimes) and the Joel Plaskett Emergency. It was a live show put on by CBC Radio 1 Atlantic Wave.

The following day, my group and the Spryfield group went to a French Acadian show at a local pub, which was so much fun! Really upbeat music, plus we got to square dance. Afterwards, my group went to a nearby Wildlife Park that houses rescued animals... everything from arctic foxes to bald eagles.

We had such an amazing weekend, although poor Dan is sick with pneumonia, but hopefully he is getting better.

Billeting #2

I just arrived at my second billet home yesterday evening, and I love them already. The great thing about billeting is that you really get to know a local family, and I get to improve on my adapting skills. They are such a kind-hearted group of people, and I can't wait to get to know them better. I've been quite sick recently, so I wasn't able to go out with them this weekend, which I'm really disappointed about, but hopefully I'll have other opportunities. Their grandchildren live with them as well, and I'll be helping out at her granddaughters birthday party on Saturday, so that should be fun!

Billeting makes me a little nervous about going home in June. B

ecause I've been surrounded by 10+ people all the time, there is always something to do and always someone to talk to. Back home, I would go out with my friends but I was also content just sitting around at home. At this point in my life, I don't really enjoy doing that anymore. I found myself getting bored easily and feeling the need to do something, but getting frustrated when I couldn't find something to do. However, I got halfway through "Into The Wild" in one day... I think Katimavik is making me a faster reader, and giving me a greater thirst for knowledge.

But, as I was saying, I hope I'll be able to find things to do at home. Like I said, I'm nervous about not having a group of people around me all the time, as I've grown so accustomed to it. However, at the same time, maybe that is one thing I subconsciously looked for in Katimavik... to ignite my drive to DO something.

I find myself quite turned off by TV now. I no longer want to watch it. In fact, it's become almost an annoyance. I did watch some of the Olympics today but, not being a huge hockey fan, I turned to A&E and watched one of those lame detective shows (that claim to be realistic, but what reality they refer to I d

on't know.) I found I couldn't just turn my brain off like I used to be able to. Instead of just vegging out, every so often I would think... what else could I be doing with this time?

So, here's to a new goal for post-Katimavik: find replacements for easy boredom-fixers.

What I'd like to do this summer:

- write, compose, and record music

- read challenging books (

W

ar and Peace, Solitude, White Fang, and those alike)

- research things that interest me

- take photography more seriously (i.e., consciously pack my camera and set out to take planned, and spontaneous, ph

otographs)

- write more about important topics, with the possibility of submitting articles

- get back into collaging, but with more complex mediums

- make regular trips to the Salvation Army/Value Village and start altering clothing

- get downtown more often,

and do touristy things, as I feel slightly disconnected from my hometown

- spend way more time in the outdoors

- find unique volunteer opportunities

This list will definitely grow...

Relationships, work, and nostalgia

I haven't felt very motivated to post on my blog lately. Mainly because it's been a little stressful in the house, and I've been sick. The atmosphere of our house is really interesting, and sometimes I just like to sit back and observe. I feel like we have matured as individuals, but there are still some key factors that we lack. Many changes we have made are being disregarded, which is very discouraging for us. Rasheeda knew everything about us, as individuals and as a group. She saw us at our worst and at our best. She saw us change and evolve into the group we are now, and it feels like it's just all gone to waste because our project leader lives in a Katima-bubble.

My job is going very well, and it's been especially nice getting to know and work with Rachelle. I feel like I'm really doing something for the community, even if it's as little as taking care of their kids while they relax, or organizing a Spa Day for the mother's with Rachelle.

A young deaf girl came into my work last week, with only the clothing she was wearing (that she'd worn for 5 days). No jacket, no boots. It truly was heartbreaking to see her at such odds. I helped her find some warm clothing in our exchange downstairs, which she was incredibly grateful for. It really made me reflect on my privileges. I realize how much I have taken for granted.

It's really surprising how quickly relationships can change... how one minute your best friend becomes questionable, and the person you thought you hated turns out to be the one you can most confide in. And then there are those people who you don't know what to think about. At first, you can't imagine your life without them, and then you wonder how you can be friends with them. It's frustrating, feeling like you are out of control, but luckily my job makes me feel grounded in some way.

I don't regret doing Katimavik. We have a love/hate relationship, which I think is the case for everyone in this house.