happy katima-new year!

I have a bigger, more important, blog coming tomorrow, but for now I just want to wish everyone a very happy New Year! And for those of my friends in Katimavik right now, happy Katima-New Year (because we all know everything in Katimavik is different than "real life.")

it's a katima-christmas!

I think this Christmas surpassed all of what we thought it was going to be. I thought everyone was going to be sad and down because we are away from our families, but it actually made us come together more. We spent the whole day cleaning and preparing Christmas dinner. Then we all went off in our own groups to church, which was really nice! Then we came home (the english people were home first) and had a mini-dance party and just a bunch of good chats. Everyone came home around 10pm, so we had our big Christmas dinner... tofurkey for us vegetarians! We then played the gift game my dad made for us, and opened our secret santa presents. Rasheeda was my secret santa and she bought me a beautiful mug with an M on it, a cute little recycled journalism-type notepad, and a really cute bookmark. Then Robyn and I opened our Christmas gifts from home at midnight.

Today was a little harder... we went and volunteered at a soup kitchen type lunch at the local Port High School. It was stressful, but I still enjoyed it because I liked socializing with the people who came.

Overall, it was a nice Christmas. I do miss my family though, they are coming on the 28th which will be really great! We actually leave on January 4th, which is my student's first day back, so I'm going to go hang out with them that morning before I go. That'll be a hard day.

olympic flame

I just wanted to make a really quick blog about what I saw today. The Olympic flame came through Port Colborne! It was really cool to see a community come together and be so patriotic. Unfortunately I forgot my camera, but I'll always remember it!

i'm running on empty but still running on

To state the obvious, I have been incredibly busy. Katimavik purposefully makes December the busiest month for us so we spend little time being sad about being away from home. To be honest though, we are all still sad and now we're stressed to the max as well. I guess Katimavik means well though!

This past week has been very hard for me. I've loved my job at Second Chance so much and have made some really good connections with most of my students there. I've been absolutely dreading to face my last day in that classroom, but it came and went, and I'm still in shock.

My last day was really fun. We watched a really lame National Lampoon's movie, then had a huge Christmas "dinner" (it was actually lunchtime) and then they all got to open their presents given to them by the community. It was so nice to see them so happy, that's probably my favourite part of Christmas... seeing people open their presents. I gave them all the letters I wrote and I think they all appreciated them. They all gave me a really sweet card, some personal letters, and a Port Colborne High School sweater! I looove it. It's huge, but so comfy to sleep in.

It's hard having to say goodbye so quickly to people you feel you've made friendships with. I almost feel like I haven't done enough yet, like I need some sort of closure to be OK with moving on. But I know this is also part of Katimavik, learning how to say goodbye, and I hope I'll be able to keep in touch with some of my students and possibly see them in the future.

take our hands out of control

This entire week I have been living with a family during the billeting phase of Katimavik. For lack of a better word, it has been interesting. It is definitely a shock moving in to a completely strange place, away from the 9 amazing friends I have made and lived with for the past 2 months. Not only that, but I had to move to Wainfleet, which is about a 30 minute drive from the Katima-house and from Port Colborne, the small city that I have grown so attached to. However, the family I am with has been very kind and generous, and they also own 2 horses on their property. Despite the fact that they are quite religious and I feel pressured to go to church with them, it has been a good experience, but I am ready to move back into the Katima-house tomorrow.

This past week I've been really reflecting on my placement at Second Chance, the relationships I've made, and the risks I've taken and am overall quite happy with the outcome. Part of me regrets being so shy at my work placement to begin with, but at the same time... that is who I am, right? I am shy at first, and it was quite intimidating. I am proud to say that I have made breakthroughs with the students and have come out of my shell a lot, which I feel is setting me up very well for my next two placements in Nova Scotia and Alberta. I'm learning a great deal about who I am as a human being, as Meaghan Wray. I'm realizing that I am capable of much bigger things then I ever imagined.

Now, thinking about my first placement and how fast it is going and how soon I will have to leave Port Colborne and everything I've grown comfortable with, I'm realizing what I will have accomplished here. This first placement is really teaching me how to say goodbye, and how to let go and accept the pain as not just something BAD. Pain doesn't have to be bad. This particular pain shows me that I am capable of making relationships, and not being afraid to make connections with people in fear of having a tearful goodbye. My life is going to be filled with many goodbyes, especially in the next 7 months, and to be able to deal with them is going to be a huge step.

you can't go back now

Sorry for the long lack of posts! A lot has happened between today and the last time I posted, but I'm going to try to condense it into a couple of paragraphs so as not to bore you.

We had our 48 hours off a couple weeks ago. A lot of people went home, some went to Hamilton, and 4 of us went to Toronto. Myself, Robyn, Dan, Mya, and Jillian went to Toronto. The first night we were so tired we just went to bed, but we walked around a bit before that. The next day was jam packed. We went to the CN Tower, and walked all through China Town, Little Italy, Little Portugal, and some of Kensington Market. Then we went to the Eaton Centre and shopped at all the stores we don't have back home. That night I got to see Randy, a guy I used to work with at Starbucks, and he invited us over to his apartment to hang out, then showed us around Toronto at night. The day after we met up with my brother, went out for lunch, and walked all through the trendy part of Kensington Market. It was so much fun to look through all the little vintage shops. I found some good deals, too! I got a really nice leather bag for $40, and it's huge and can double as a camera bag, and I also got a 100% wool hat for $5!!! It was so nice to see my brother before he goes off to Korea to teach english. Got a little teary-eyed leaving... it made me homesick again. Toronto is such an awesome city, but I actually missed Port Colborne!

This past week we had a great time with our project leader away for training. We all got along so well, I think because we didn't feel the pressure like we do when she's here. We love her, but it's nice when she leaves too. We're surprisingly responsible as a big group! Saturday was an absolutely beautiful day... we were suntanning outside all day, and me and a couple others biked over to Nickle Beach. I was in shorts and a t-shirt all day, then had a movie night with Robyn and John. We watched Paranormal Activity and The Boy In The Striped Pijamas... odd mix, I know.

Yesterday we drove to Niagara Falls and hiked at The Gorge, which is a really pretty path that leads you all the way down to the falls. Then we drove to Niagara On The Lake and spent some time there. It's pretty, but it's expensive and doesn't have that much to do.

I found out that I'm billeting with Tom Davies, the man who runs community living. I'm so excited because he's such a nice guy and he lives on a horse farm in Wainfleet! I heard his wife is really nice too

I wish our first rotation was a little longer... I'm really going to miss the people I've made connections with at my job. It's going to be so hard for me to leave them. I guess I've just gotten attached, and I need to learn how to move on. It would be neat to maybe come back to visit them next summer though. However, I have 6 months left of times to look forward to.

i'm on a road, so i need a car

While talking to Rachelle tonight, she asked me a seemingly simple question, "Why are you here?"

I paused for a moment to think. I went over all of the responses I could give her. I could have said I wanted to see Canada, to learn french, to meet new people. I could have said I wanted to learn about myself, learn about Canada, discover new career opportunities. Then I realized how common these answers were, and how I'd never really verbalized my "Katima-intentions", in my own words, before.

So, I told her something like this...

My first goal isn't to learn french, or to live in new situations, or to figure out what I want to do with my life. I don't expect to become an environmentalist, or a volunteer-addict. I don't expect to come out of Katimavik knowing exactly what I want to do, with a concrete plan on how to get there. What I want from Katimavik is a new perspective on life; an internal drive to go out and get what I want with this precious time on earth I've been given. What I want from Katimavik is the willpower and confidence to rely on myself, to be self-serving. What I would like to gain from Katimavik is the ability to be comfortable with not knowing what comes next, the ability to look at the bigger picture, and be OK if something does not go as planned. Katimavik has already sparked my desire for adventure, and inspired the risk-taker in me to take the leaps I wouldn't have taken, had I chosen university instead. That, in itself, is already a huge accomplishment.

there's better people with more good to do

Happy Halloween!

The Hamilton group came to Port Colborne yesterday and we had a great time reverse trick-or-treating and watching a scary movie, 28 Days Later. We got all dressed up in our costumes and took some pictures. It was so nice to see the group! It's a good way to keep the friendships I have in that group stronger. It'll be hard when we aren't in the same cluster anymore next rotation, but I hope we will still all keep in touch.

My week as house manager went really well! Valerie and I get along great, and we are both hard workers. We worked really hard the entire week, and it was nice to sleep in, too. What I liked most about my week as house manager was getting cooking experience. I made 3 meals by myself. The first one I made was really stressful... I made Mexican Bean Casserole, and for me it was a harder recipe. I had to get used to how to time myself, put on what at what time, but in the end I think it tasted pretty good! I also made two tofu vegetable stir-frys, which were also really good, to me anyways. I'm not eating any meat anymore except for fish! It's hard because a lot of people in my group really like meat, and they get frustrated having to make vegetarian meals, but it's a good learning experience for them and I don't think they really understand why I choose not to eat meat. It's hard because they make me feel guilty for being a vegetarian, and that's not fair to me.

I'm looking forward to getting back to Second Chance.

i'm like fuel on fire

I haven't had time to update in a while! Our whole group has been so busy with work and group activities that I haven't had much time to just sit down and type.

A quick recap of my last week...

There has been noticeable tension within our group this past week. Everyone was kind of getting on everyone's nerves, and things were not going too well. So yesterday night, our group had a 4 hour circle talk where each person says one good thing and one bad thing about each other person. It was pretty tough, there were some tears, but it has made our group SO much better. Because everything's off our chests now, we have a new clean slate to work with.

On Friday night, we raced through dinner and helped out at a haunted forest. We got to dress up as zombies and scare people, although we didn't really scare anyone... but we tried! Then after some of us went out to a heavy metal show at The Hub just down the streets 10 minutes, which was REALLY fun! Good music, good times. Although one guy tried to crowd surf and fell on his head! Ouch...

Today was a really good day at work. I think I made some progress with one of the toughests students to get through to, so I'm really happy about that. There's some Halloween party at the Queen's Hotel next week, so I think we might try to go to that if we can.

while we're on the subject

Just a quick update...

I had a great first week at work! Even in just the few days I was there, I was able to connect on some level with almost every student. Some not as much as I'd like, but I'm making progress for sure. I like the idea of Second Chance. It adapts to the student's needs, rather than the student having to adapt to how a school is run. I think EVERYONE could benefit from a program like it. They get to work at their own pace. I helped a couple of them do some outdoor work yesterday, which was a nice way to be able to bond with them on a more personal level. I like that T let's us spend time together outside of school, so I'm not just a teacher's assistant to them, but hopefully someone they can trust. I was invited to a party yesterday night, but never found out where it was. That's OK though, there will be more!

Our end of trimester excursion is probably going to be Toronto, which will be so much fun because we can stay in a hotel and I'll hopefully be able to see Alannah and Adam.

Anyway, hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving! We get two turkies for 12 people... woo!

we'll all float on

Things have been going well during Katimavik. For the most part everyone is getting along, and if heads butt we are quick to solve the problem. We're all really close and comfortable with each other, so confrontations don't really happen because we aren't afraid to bring up problems.

I started work at Second Chance yesterday. My first day was a little rough... the students seemed a bit hostile towards me, which is understandable because they have no idea who I am. They all come from pretty troubled families and outside lives, so I get that they don't want to trust me right away. I don't expect them to. I did mostly computer work, and helped some of them with what I could.

My second day went a lot better. N seems to be warming up to me the fastest. She's really funny and personable, and a really hard worker. Three of the guys at Second Chance didn't come back after lunch yesterday, so they got in trouble today when they went to school. T, the teacher, told me about a lot of their background stories... most of their problems seem to stem from bad parenting, or lack of parental support. I won't post them on here, because it's the Internet, but they're pretty sad.

Last Saturday we went to the Gandhi Peace Festival in Hamilton, where we saw Gandhi's grandson speak and took part in a peace walk. I got to hold a sign, which was fun. And we got to hang out with the Hamilton group, too. After that we drove to their house, went to the park and played some sports, and then we drove to see Niagara Falls. So far, it's been my favourite day. Niagara Falls were SO cool, and sharing it with my group made it that much more special.

we may never pass this way again

Day two in Port Colborne was amazing. Full of laughs, neighbourhood walks, meeting creepy locals, and becoming severely addicted to Esso gas stations and Tim Hortons. We didn't make it to the movie yesterday night because dinner was too late. Tomorrow we are going to tour all eleven possible work placements, which is very exciting... a lot of them sound totally up my alley. There are a few work placements where I would get to work with youth who have learning impairments, or other burdens to bear and just need someone to talk to. I think this will be a great way to test the waters of a potential career choice for myself.

Port Colborne is a very quaint little town. It's bigger than Bells Corners, and the first thing I noticed about it is that every single house looks SO different... none of them are the same and they all look kind of old fashioned.

This weekend we may have a potential excursion planned for Saturday. I think it's called the Gandhi Peace festival? Something like that. It's in Hamilton all day on Saturday and we'd be helping out at it. I think it sounds really interesting, plus I'd get to see all of my friends in the Hamilton group!

Anyways, better be off to bed. Got an early start tomorrow! ... 7:30am!

Here is the link to the Facebook album with Port Colborne pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15173&id=1650360075&l=d12b6dff58

oh, the places you'll go

Our group just moved into our Port Colborne house yesterday, after waiting for a bit outside for our project leader to arrive. It was so hard saying goodbye to people from other groups that we met at orientation camp, but I love my group so much.

Our orientation camp was located at Camp Kintail in Goderich, Ontario. At first, I think we all had a bit of wariness about the whole staying at a camp thing. But that was probably because we were all EXHAUSTED (having arrived at 4am and having to drag our heavy suitcases through dirt to the cabins.) It was such an amazing experience though. I am pretty much friends with all 44 people of our cluster. The beach we were staying on was so gorgeous. We walked on it practically every day, and watched the sun set at night. It was pretty breathtaking to say the least. On our last day we did a bunch of ropes courses, which were really fun and good for team building.

We had a little over at 5 hour bus ride to Port Colborne, because we had to zig zag and drop everyone else off in their own communities. We haven't learned about our placements yet, but I'm sure they'll all be fantastic. Apparently there is a heavy metal concert once every month. Today what we did was have meetings about all the comities we can be in, for organizing group activities and how to learn french/english faster.

People in my group are: Robyn, Rachelle, Aysha, John, Alexandre, Valerie, Dan, Philippe, Jillian, and Mya. Everyone's really interesting. We have a very diverse group, so it makes things very interesting. We've already seen some young people who live in Port Colborne, which is exciting because tonight we're going to a free movie night and we might meet even more people!

Here is the Facebook album I made with all of my Katimavik pictures so far, that I have made public so anyone can look: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14752&id=1650360075&l=a9bb8478c1

enough ain't enough this time

This is how good I am at packing.
















My beloved door calendar, that will remain empty for 9 months after September 23.

don't let those tears quench the thirsty ground

There's only three days left until I embark on my Katimavik adventure! I still have some packing to do, and some last minute shopping for little things I need, but I'm nearly ready. I'm getting more nervous and more excited at the same time. The hardest part will be saying bye, but I know I'm going to come back with so many experiences and memories, and lifelong friends.

I spoke to Rasheeda, my Port Colborne project leader, a few days ago and she is so nice! She sounds very excited to meet all of us. For the first couple of weeks we will be doing orientation and going on tours at the places we can volunteer at. There's a volunteer placement at a women's centre that I'm really interested in.

As for the house I'll be living in, Rasheeda said it is one of the bigger Katima-houses. There are two girls rooms and one guy room, with two dressers in each for our clothes and a closet that separates the girl rooms. We have 8 bikes, which will be awesome because we can ride around and explore Port Colborne. We also have 2 bathrooms... thank goodness!

Rasheeda said we aren't allowed to buy any processed food, and we have to make everything ourselves that can be made. So everything like bread, noodles, condiments (ketchup, mayo) and things like that. It's going to be such a great experience. She says that a lot of Katimavik alumnis thank the program for their current healthy lifestyles!

Anyway, my next post will probably be before I leave on Wednesday, and then you won't hear from me until I'm at my house in Port Colborne! I'll post some pictures of the house, and some of Port Colborne, too.

you only live once

I received my bus tickets for my first leg of travel a couple days ago. I'll be traveling by Greyhound bus from 2:30pm to 7:30pm to the Toronto airport. There I'll be meeting up with one person from my group (so far, don't know about the other 3 I haven't spoken to) and we'll wait there for 40 minutes. Then we take a bus to the Toronto airpot where we'll meet up with the rest of our group, as well as our cluster. A cluster is three other groups that are in the same area as we are for 3 months. However, they aren't REALLY that close by. We get to Goderich, Ontario at 1:30am for three days of orientation camp, and after camp we travel nearly 4 hours to Port Colborne, Ontario to move into our Katima-house!

I'm pretty sure we spend most of the holidays with our cluster, too. I think we have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with them! So that'll be nice to have a big group of people all together for a huuuge dinner.

I had minor packing difficulties, and had to switch to two suitcases instead of a suitcase and a duffle bag. That'll probably be a lot easier anyway for when I'm traveling by plane because they both roll. So, now I have a huge suitcase for all of my clothes and shoes, plus a smaller suitcase for my bedding and cosmetic case and sleeping bag. I'm really having to work at thinking MINIMAL when I pack, but I think I'm doing pretty well. I've decided just to pack what I want, and then as I get closer to departure I'll take things out that I really don't need. Which reminds me, I need to buy some dressier clothing! On top of packing for my first 3 months, I have to pack my big containers for my parents to send me when I need my snow pants and snow jacket, and my summer stuff as well. Then I'll have to send all of my winter stuff back once it starts getting hot. I'm so paranoid I'm going to forget something really important!

I talked to my friend Scott a couple days ago. He's on Katimavik now and is having a BLAST! He's working in an elementary school in Alberton, PEI and is also organizing an after school program for the kids. I'm very excited to see what type of volunteer opportunities I will have in the places I go to! Hopefully I'll be able to do what I'm interested in, and maybe get the chance to explore some career ideas. Katimavik is partnered with Habitat for Humanity in Edmonton, which I am very excited about... I've always wanted to volunteer with them.

Anyways, I'm making a recipe book to bring with me for when I'm on house duty. I've never REALLY had to cook before, so this will definitely be interesting!

so pack a change of clothes, cause it's time to move on

In 17 days time, I will be embarking on quite possibly the biggest adventure of my life: Katimavik, “a program in which those 17 to 21 years of age spend 9 months helping in community projects in three different areas.” Basically, I’ll be living in three different provinces for three months each with ten other people. Pretty much Big Brother without the video cameras and being on TV. My first destination is Port Colborne (Ontario), then I’m in Bridgewater (Nova Scotia), and last but not least, Edmonton (Alberta). However, I won’t be right in Edmonton, but in a little French community just on the outskirts.

A year from now, I wouldn’t have dreamed of taking a year off in between high school and university. I was afraid people would think I’m not smart enough to go to university, I was afraid of my friends leaving me behind. I didn’t want to be OLDER; I didn’t want to graduate at 23 instead of 22, for fear of… what? The fear seemed so rational at the time, and now I can’t even remember why I was afraid.

But after months of deliberation, I realized that taking this opportunity would not leave me behind, but push me forward in ways I would not experience going straight to university. Now when I think about my decision, I am happy to have made it, to have disconnected myself from those who thought it may not be the right choice. I’m excited, nervous, anxious, agitated, enthusiastic, scared (thank you Thesaurus.com)… but I’m ready.

In the words of John Mayer:
“Everybody is just a stranger,
But that’s the danger in going my own way.
Still everything happens for a reason.”

I’ve been testing the waters my whole life, but the only way to live is by diving in head first.